Thanksgiving Lessons: Love the Suck

On this Thanksgiving day, I wanted to share my thanks. While I'm certainly thankful for my home, my boys, my health and my career, what I'm thankful for more than anything are the lessons the universe has given me and continues to give me. They aren't always easy and they don't always have me looking and smelling like roses, but that's part of the journey. And I'm thankful for that, too. Without the suck, the heartache and the valleys, my life wouldn't be crazy amazing as it is! Here is a recent lesson I would love to share with you all.

When I left the neighborhood I lived in with my ex, I had a group of guy friends I continued to reach out to. To my dismay, one of them did not reply to any of my messages or invites. I was angry, hurt and sad. I made up that the reason he wasn't responding to me was that he was in judgement of me leaving. It took me months to find peace with this.

About a month ago, I ran into this friend and we got some time to catch up. What I learned was he sank into a deep depression and was in fact in a very very dark place. The pandemic, fatherhood, work; it all came crashing down on him in a way that he felt the world would be a better place without him.

I expressed to him my profound apologies and shared with him what I'd made his silence mean. What the universe gave me in that moment, as it was unfolding, was an opportunity.

I'm going to say this again. When it got really bad and ugly, I saw the universe giving me an opportunity. What was this opportunity?

That moment was an opportunity to embrace the suck; namely, it was an opportunity to embrace what an utter asshole I had been. I promise you, this was not a comfortable experience. But here's another life lesson I've learned; own your shit. If you want to master integrity, admit when your out of it; if you want to master personal responsibility, own when your irresponsible; if you want master being authentic, own when you're being inauthentic. That's the magic sauce. It's easy to be bad ass when it's all going well and your on your game, but who are you when shits falling apart. Are you the person who hides in a story about who you've been, or do you just say what's there? Acknowledging where you've failed is the access to your power as a human being.

(He was gracious and accepting and did not hold it against me, thankfully.)

Back to my friend. This was a very profound and humbling experience. It was a great reminder how important it is to get into other people's world and consider what they might be up against or going through. It was also a great reminder that there's always just what happens and then there's what we make it mean. In this case there was the, "What's so." I sent a text and he did not ext back. The end. Then there was what I made it mean. "He's judging me. " The consequence of all this was I was not there for a good friend in need. I also lost months of my friendship and gained months of being unsettled and unhappy in this area of my life, all of which were m own doing.

This lesson has deepened my resolve and capacity for grace and compassion. I'm eternally thankful for this. I'm a better friend, a better father and a better police officer because of it. It's also been a profound reminder of how important it is to embrace and love the valleys of my life; which is what I'm more thankful for than anything else in my life.

Lastly, please remember that during these unprecedented times, people are really struggling. Give them grace and remember to reach out and check in on them. Sometimes these small sentiments make a huge difference.

Chris